Paul Keating
“It was the musical we had to have”
“If you donkeys are celebrities, anyone can be a celebrity”
“I remember that guy, He was a real cunt”
Paul Keating , (real name The Undertaker), is a former Prime Minister and leader of the Australian Labor Party who is much better known for having Keating! The Musical written about him than he is for any of his political work. Keating! became Prime Minister when it was decided that Hawke! was getting just a little bit too crazy, despite the unofficial yet unignorable rule that the PM must be insane. Keating! 's time as Prime Minister was spent not really doing much except pointing at other politicians and insulting them, which is what Australian Parliament is all about. However, Keating! was the first to do this in a way that confused his target more than it did anything else. This alone makes Keating! one of the most interesting politicians Australia has known, though he still isn't very interesting. Keating! finally lost the leadership to Howard!, which is why he refuses to believe that he lost the leadership in the first place. In his spare time Keating! enjoys making speeches to his collection of French antique clocks.
Political career[edit | edit source]
Keating! rose to power purely and simply because he was going nuts at a slightly slower rate than Hawke! was, even though as soon as Keating! gained the leadership his last traces of sense disappeared into a bunch of bizarre, low altitude metaphors. Although many people noticed this, no one managed to take the leadership from him (unless you count Howard!, but he's Howard!... he's got magic eyebrows). Keating!'s time as Prime Minister was marked by many memorable events, such as that time he insulted Costello!, and that other time he insulted Costello!. During his term Keating! single handedly brought about a recession. It was, he claimed, "the recession we had to have", by which he actually meant, "the recession we had to have because I said we had to have it".
Much later, using the lens of political experience, Paul Keating was the only Australian voter amongst millions to correctly identify John Howard as a coconut. After that, Keating has spent most of his time attempting not to be forgotten, mainly by emulating Prince Charles as an expert on architecture.
Insults[edit | edit source]
Keating! was definitely the most creative Prime Minister, at least when it came to how he put down other politicians, particularly during Parliament Question Time. Keating! will insult anyone at all, even if he doesn't know them, which he sees as a good reason for them to be insulted. He will occasionally blurt out random insults at nothing in particular if he happens to think of a good one. Keating!particularly enjoyed making Howard! and Costello! look ridiculous, a game which Howard! and Costello! themselves sought to beat him at, resulting in fierce competition and many memorable death glares. Howard! and Costello! ultimately won this battle when the Liberal Party came to power. The current Prime Minister, Rudd! has not yet even come close to matching Keating! in his insults, despite the fact that he has Turnbull! to play with.
Keating! The Musical[edit | edit source]
Since Keating!'s life wasn't very musical it was adapted into a musical. Keating! The Musical was incredibly popular, mainly because Keating! bought all the tickets and gave it many good reviews. Keating! doesn't actually enjoy the musical itself as much as he enjoys staring at the huge "KEATING" sign in the background with all the pretty lights. Although Keating! does not star in his musical, he has agreed to play himself in Rudd! The Musical. Keating! also revealed that he has schizophrenia, stating that he thought Rudd! The Musical was created by a group of donkeys. However, there is no need for concern. As one of the donkeys put it, he lost the 1996 election and no one gives a shit about him anymore. Asked about this incident later, Keating! declared, "I want Costello back."
External links[edit | edit source]
