Jonah Hex

A maverick with no morals, an unappealing prostitute, and a senile villain. From a very promising action western, this turned into unwatchable boredom and possibly the shortest film I've ever seen, where the illogical actions of the characters or flashy transitions even in slow passages are the least of its problems. Crows as a deus ex machina or atomic bullets in the wild west are a completely different caliber. (10/08/2010)

As long as Brolin spouts his dry catchphrases, you’ll be thinking this is going to be one of those films that try to be genius with their goofiness. However, the undernourished script by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor starts to pile up after half an hour, and a desperate Hayward has to repeat some scenes three times to even reach the minimum yardage. The expected result from the trailer (unfortunately?) came true. (10/05/2010)

The first surprise for me was the producer—Joey from Friends! I hadn’t heard anything about him in years. He picked a film that looks promising at first but ends up being tough to sit through. Sure, there’s plenty of action and explosions, but it’s a mess, and I don’t usually give high marks to mindless fun unless the cast is amazing. A lot of people praise John Malkovich, and while I’m not a huge fan, I get it—he’s solid here. But Megan Fox? She shows up, acts like she’s from another planet, flaunts her body, and then disappears. It’s almost like her lines were written by the guy cleaning the toilets on set. In the end, Jonah Hex is a ridiculous movie that’s mildly entertaining when action meets fun, but the second half nearly put me to sleep. Luckily, all the explosions kept waking me up—otherwise, I’d have passed out. (10/26/2010)

Jonah Hex is exactly the kind of film that confirms long-held stereotypes about comics being entertainment for early teenagers and desperate people who have mentally regressed to being 15-year-old adolescents in adulthood. It is simply and truly foolish, shallow, and dull to the point that not even the casting of several known and acclaimed actors can save it. The prologue saturated with the scent of gunpowder and uncompromising war may entice, but then an unstoppable downward spiral follows, and to our misfortune, it is not foolish enough to be entertaining on the other hand. Overall impression: 25%. (03/25/2011)

After three years, I gave Jonah Hex a second chance... And suddenly, somehow, it was better. It’s still not good or maybe it’s less stupid, but it’s also somehow more fun or something. Josh Brolin is perfect for the role and the atmosphere is really good in places, as is Malkovich's villain and his amusing (underused) sidekick Fassbender, but there is a lot of dullness. The most incomprehensible thing, however, is that the villains shoot ordinary cannonballs that do no harm at the city from a giant superweapon first, and only at the end do they use the special one that blows everything away in a second. Nevermind. Thank you for Beltrami's music and the waking the dead scenes, which are probably the best Jonah Hex has to offer. It’s average, but with a more entertaining script it could have been a good western with a Hellboy atmosphere. Just like the book. (12/06/2010)