Reviews
Mermaids (1990)
What a waste of cellulose
Turn the TV off and spend the two hours staring a blank screen. Barring neurological dysfunction, your daydreams will be more interesting.
This movie is like a well-intentioned friend that is perpetually concerned with pleasing everyone and inevitably ends up pissing everyone off. It tries to be funny, insightful, artistic, removed and searching all at the same time and FAILS miserably at them all.
Except for Michael Schoeffling, whose character would have been showed to better advantage using a scarecrow with his hands shoved in his pockets and his tongue shoved down anyone's throat (I'm glad he had the good sense to give up acting), most of the acting was decent. At the climax of the film, Winona Ryder was even impressive. The cinematography was fine, just not memorable. It's the script that kills them all. Not just a syringe of morphine killing either - this is a lying by the edge of the road in a million pieces killing. It's ridiculous without being funny (even ironically) and slow-moving without being insightful or inspiring. Even more unforgivably, it makes too-abundant use of tried and TIRED plot elements and twists.
The only good thing about this movie was that the frustrating prospect of being stuck watching it while on my treadmill made me angry enough to run at full speed the whole time. Rent it and give it to your worst enemy while simpering "Oh I know you'll LOVE this!"