God-Fearing Republicans
Republicans who fear God. They fear God so much, that they try to control others to avoid upsetting God. They do this by passing laws to take away freedom, because freedom is slavery. They are against education, because ignorance is strength, so they often cut education spending from the budget. They are always declaring war, because war is peace.
These Republicans are often confused with gay Republicans, a race forced to extinction by the infamous gay hunter, Dick Cheney.
The God-Fearing Republicans control Oceania, Eurasia, and Eastasia. They preach fascism in a conservative way. This led to an uprising of Liberal Terrorists who don't fear God but instead fear Dog. They like to eat God's shorts to please Dog.
Some claim the God that the God-Fearing Republicans fear is really Big Brother, Loki, or Supply-side Jesus, and not actually God or Jesus or even Jesus Christ. This is hard to determine, as questioning the God-Fearing Republicans is unpatriotic, in violation of the Patriot Act, and results in a lifetime of surveillance by the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security.
Still, despite most citizens being against the God-fearing Republicans, they still seem to vote them into office. Some claim this is due to voter fraud, while others say that most voters are just stupid and punched the wrong hole in the ballot card. Others say that God has rigged the elections so the God-fearing Republicans will win.
God says that God-Fearing Republicans are really cool and he loves them. Jesus and his little brother Abraham are totally ashamed of their father for this reason. God says he made God-Fearing Republicans out of iron instead of clay so they could be stronger than other people, but the angels that saw him make them said that God was drunk at the time and made them out of bubble wrap.
Facts and figures about God-Fearing Republicans[edit | edit source]
- They hate Massachusetts.
- Although most of them are homophobic, many of them are in fact homosexuals.
See also[edit | edit source]
- Crimethink
- God
- Big Brother
- Loki
- Liberal Terrorists
- Doublethink
- Patriot Act
- Legislation
- Kenny Kuhn Klan
- Holy Bible: Revised Neocon Edition
- Requiem Republicam
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