Pounding bat sodomy
“Yes indeed, sir, MS Bob is only fit for geeks. Definitely, as you say, Mr. Bat Sodomy, sir.”
—Steve Ballmer to Pounding Bat Sodomy
“I love the sound of Sodomy. His clipped New England accent is so charming”
Pounding Bat Sodomy III (born 1959) is the son of semi-competent industrialist Pounding Bat Sodomy Jr. and the heir to the vast Bat Sodomy fortune. He lives in Cape Cod with his society princess wife Felacia Cunnington-Kennedy, who is possibly even stupider than he is.
Per family tradition, Bat Sodomy is the third in an unbroken series of lucky sperm club members. As such, he is beyond a doubt the luckiest sperm in the whole USA.
Biography[edit | edit source]
He attended a suitable series of schools. Did a Yale MBA, where he joined Skull & Bones. Married his trophy wife found in Ikea. Had children but is not entirely sure how. I could make it into a song if you like.
Family history and genealogy[edit | edit source]
Bat Sodomy's grandfather, Pounding Bat Sodomy Sr. (1895-1972), was the first son of Prescott Sodomy and Flora Sheldon Battenburg. Pounding Sr. bolstered his family fortunes with his fine work deceiving the Nazi regime in World War II, particularly the incident where he saved 1200 Jews working in his factory in Poland by fooling the Nazis into sending 1200 fake Jews to the death camps instead. This incident was immortalised in Sodomy's List, a film made for the UK Hitler Channel.
His father, Pounding Jr. (1923- present), was made to look competent by comparison to Pounding III. Which is quite a job, all told.
Pounding III's siblings include HitlerStalin Orphankiller-Nunrapist Bat Sodomy, who has enjoyed a spectacular career in politics as a running mate for failed Lesser Evil Party candidates before taking up his present position as Governor of Florida.
Charities[edit | edit source]
Bat Sodomy has founded Sodomy's Own, a non-profit confectionery distribution company. When operational, Sodomy's Own will be the largest Fudge Packing operation in the solar system. With headquarters in San Francisco and Manchester, England Bat Sodomy's vision has been described as "vague, at best" by industry commentators.
Political work[edit | edit source]
The Bat Sodomy family has had a long tradition of public service. Pounding III has taken care to further democracy in the United States with substantial ongoing donations to both the Tweedledum and Tweedledee Parties.
Presidential bid[edit | edit source]
Bat Sodomy ran for the Tweedledee Party presidential candidate nomination in 19100, but lost out to George W. Bush on the grounds of Bush's greater intelligence, competence, internationalist outlook, belief in the Constitution and public speaking ability. He did raise over $150 million in campaign funds, however.
Video scandal[edit | edit source]
Bat Sodomy's daughter, Paris Bat Sodomy, brought media disgrace to the Bat Sodomy dynasty when a home video of her engaging in sex with someone she was not at least as related to as second cousins — and who was, even worse, less rich than her — was released leaked onto the Internet. The disgrace was compounded when it brought Paris worldwide fame, a television show, a pop album and a modelling contract with Herpes. Paris' twin sister Jenna was inconsolable.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
See Pounding Bat Sodomy.
Family anthem[edit | edit source]
The family song is sung at all reunions of the Bat Sodomy dynasty. It was composed by Edward Elgar, with libretto by Barry White.
- Good afternoon, afternoon, hello sunshine
- Wake up, champagne head
- I should probably show my face at the office
- So far away from the bed
- God gave me money
- Because I deserved it
- One more billion or two
- I am far more rich and connected
- That's why I don't work for you
- You do the working, I'll run the show
- You'll skip your lunch and I'll take mine
- Don't tell me the truth, do these numbers look funny
- And it's coming up to the time
- Now you work harder, I've got to go
- To the yacht, it's a beautiful day
- And sail like the luckiest sperm
- In the whole USA!
- Chorus
- Skip-a-dee doo-dah, thank you, Lord,
- For making it for me
- And thank you for making life turn out
- The way I deserved it to be
- There was never a time when I could not imagine
- How it would feel to say
- that I'm the luckiest sperm
- In the whole USA!
