Ram Ranch
Ram Ranch | |||||
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| Motto: Ram Ranch Really Rocks! Ram Ranch est vraiment génial ! | |||||
| Anthem: "Ram Ranch" by Grant MacDonald | |||||
| Capital | Halifax | ||||
| Previous capital | Nashville | ||||
| Largest city | Everywhere | ||||
| Demonym | Ram Ranch Cowboy | ||||
| Official language(s) | English, French | ||||
| Government | Similar to Canada's, but with cowboys | ||||
| ‑ Owner | Grant MacDonald | ||||
| ‑ Inheritor of Ram Ranch | Trucker Boy Tim | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Prince Harry | ||||
| Established | August 2012 | ||||
| Currency | Canadian dollar | ||||
| Religion | None (the owner hates religion) | ||||
| Population | More than 18 naked cowboys | ||||
| Area | Pretty large | ||||
| Population density | 18/km | ||||
| Time Zone | AST | ||||
| Ethnic groups | White, black, occasionally Asian, maybe some Indians | ||||
| Major exports | Cowboys | ||||
| Major imports | RAMs (Random Access Memories) | ||||
| National animal | Ram | ||||
| National sport(s) | Gay sex | ||||
| Hours of operation | 24/7 | ||||
| Internet TLD | .ram | ||||
| Calling code | 18 | ||||
| Drives on | Who gives a fuck? | ||||
Ram Ranch is a ranch franchise owned by Canadian multi-billionaire musician, director and banker Grant MacDonald. It is home to many popular brands of random-access memories, which are grown in the vast grasslands of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. In an interview with Rolling Stone, MacDonald originally wanted to open up the first ranch in Nashville, Tennessee, but was turned down by homophobic owners. So, he decided to open the ranch in Halifax. Since then, the ranch has grown to a franchise, which locations in Toronto and Alberta. Not only that, but it has also opened locations in the United States and Australia. Every year, an average of over ten million people visit the ranches.
History[edit | edit source]
In 2012, after failing to sue the Getty family for over 4 billion bucks, current owner MacDonald decided to buy some land in Nashville. Unfortunately, the previous landowners of that weren't happy with MacDonald's decision to buy it because he was gay. So, he decided to go to Canada and buy some land from a farmer, who was going to move to Toronto. Thankfully, the farmer accepted his request to buy it, and with that, he decided to open up the first ranch in Halifax. The first items to arrive to the ranch were a bunch of random-access memories, which are still a staple part of the ranch to this day. Also a staple part of the ranch are the 18 naked cowboys in the showers. But also, MacDonald mentions that there were 18 more naked cowboys in the yard, making that 36. Every day, the cowboys participate in a homosexual orgy. However, it wasn't until 2018 when the ranch started gaining a lot of popularity that MacDonald considered expanding it into a franchise, and eventually, a cinematic universe, similar to Marvel.
The first sequel to the series, Ram Ranch 2, hires 18 more naked cowboys, adding a total of 36 naked cowboys, 48 if you count the ones in the yard. In the seventh installment, Ram Ranch 7, 28 US Marines raid the ranch and also have sex with the cowboys as well. Ram Ranch 85 is the first song where MacDonald gets away with saying the n-word. Several notable celebrities have visited the ranch over the years, including Prince Harry, Elon Musk, Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers and more. Ram Ranch has several locations across the country, but also in other countries as well. Ram Ranch also operates its own interstellar space navy. Some of the notable starships under the Ram Ranch command include the STARSHIP.XXX, the FUCKSHIP.XXX, the COCKSHIP.XXX and the CUMSHIP.XXX. Others include the ALPHA1.XXX.
MacDonald also created a lesbian version of the ranch called Escalade Ranch, except that there's 18 naked cowgirls and the Duchess of Sussex. Doja Cat and Miley Cyrus has visited this version of the ranch, the former being a huge fan of both the original ranch and the lesbian one.
About the owner[edit | edit source]
Grant Daniel MacDonald, or Grant MacDonald, also known as Sir Grant MacDonald, is the owner of the ranch. He was formerly a banker who tried to sue the Getty family for over four billion bucks. He also directed a movie against them, which, in reality, is actually a bunch of random 3D images being combined together along with very loud instrumentals and voices. MacDonald also claimed to film several movies related to gay sex, which are actually homosexual pornographic films he bought off the internet. His books that are supposed to be about the ranch were at first, but then gets to the part where he tried to sure the Gettys for a ton of money. MacDonald is originally from Summerside, Canada. He went to the University of Los Angeles where he studied drama and ended up getting his degree there. According to his Twitter account, his birthday is on November 6, however, he spends most of his birthday every year alone in his apartment in Toronto, where he lives.
Shawn Driscoll, MacDonald's ex-boyfriend, would've been inheriting the ranch when MacDonald dies. Unfortunately Driscoll is with another guy or girl. Now MacDonald announced that Trucker Boy Tim would be inheriting the ranch instead.
Use during Freedom Convoy[edit | edit source]
The songs and the ranch gained prominence in early 2022 when anti-vaccine truckers protested against vaccine mandates during the COVID-19 pandemic. To counter this, many men wore their naked cowboy costumes and fucked the truckers in the butts. As a result, the anti-vaccine truckers gave up. Not only were men involved, but women were involved as well, some of them trying to flood the Zello channels with the song. The ranch gained over 20 million visitors, most of them supporting it. The group of men and women were part of the Ram Ranch Resistance, whom MacDonald was also part of. In response, MacDonald was honored that his song was used to stand up for science. As a result, he, along with the men and women who were involved against the truckers, were knighted for their services to save Canada.
Failed downfall[edit | edit source]
On December 22, 2023, Shawn Driscoll, MacDonald's ex-boyfriend, or fiance, sent a cease and desist letter to MacDonald because the latter had put in sexually-graphic images of his butthole and his penis on the Internet. MacDonald dismisses this as he claims former Prime Minister of Canada Pierre Poilievre was going to destroy the ranch.[Saw it on the discovery channel] He put up a GoFundMe with its goal of 7000 Canadian dollars and put those claims in Caps Lock without any backing evidence.
However, in a shocking twist and turn of events, Driscoll is actually MacDonald's nephew and MacDonald claimed to have fucked Driscoll at least once. MacDonald defended this as consensual and put up historical examples of incest. MacDonald was expected to testify in the Canadian court system on January 25, 2024. Since then, the case has been dropped and MacDonald is to be released from jail in April 2024.
Actually, fuck that. MacDonald's appeal got rejected twice and is now guilty. He is actually now expected to be sentenced in June 2024.
Return[edit | edit source]
On August 28, 2024, MacDonald returned to his condo after 2 months of being in prison. He returned with his comeback single the month after, which was basically the 765th installment of Ram Ranch. He also was not guilty of all charges, meaning he is able to keep his discography alive.
