Chocolate milk
“It's the way God wants it to be. You can't have [milk] no other way. It wouldn't be [milk].”
Chocolate milk is an dairy drink that is formed by mixing chocolate and milk — pretty straightforward.
History[edit]
Chocolate milk was first invented in the 18th century by Jamaicans who wanted to give their already tasty milk more flavour by adding random shit to it. First they added marijuana which didn't turn out that good, then they tried adding strawberries which turned out even worse — however years later, retards would later adopt this recipe and make it rival the chocolate milk industry, now known as the Flavoured Milk Industry. Chocolate was first added to milk by someone who wanted to prank his mates. His original plan was to add some feces to milk and then feed it to his friends, but being from a low education country, he confused a pile of shit for a Mars Bar. His friends who drank the Mars Bar milk loved it, and then altered the drink for some cocoa powder and milk. What came next is what they call "history" (hence the title of the sub-heading).
Benefits[edit]
There are several benefits of drinking chocolate milk over plain ol' milk:
- The addition of chocolate means that a given volume contains that much less lactose. This buys some consumers perhaps five minutes before that inevitable dash to the lavatory.
- It does, after all, contain chocolate, which is always a plus.
- It looks like glue and so is hugely favoured by horses.
Hot chocolate[edit]
Years later, some genius thought that it would be a good idea to turn cold chocolate milk into warm chocolate milk. This is done by making cold chocolate milk and then putting it in the microwave for about 30 seconds. This actually increased bedtime moral for children whose parents would give them a glass of warm milk before night-night, but since no child wants to drink plain old milk (or even water for that matter), the warm chocolate milk was a good work-around. Because, well, it's chocolate. This however, made the kids stay up even later due to the sugar in the chocolate.
Even more years later, another genius came along and turned the warm chocolate milk into hot chocolate milk. A few more years passed and the "milk" was dropped for just "hot chocolate" — as it now contained more water than milk.
Around the world[edit]
Australians drink a related beverage that they call "choccy milk". This is because they make it not with chocolate but with chalk, also adding something to give the "chalky" drink its characteristic dark colour.