Talk:Rebel Heart Tour/GA1

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 21:05, 19 December 2017 (UTC)Reply

• and was staged in support → "and was" can be removed for a better flow
• thirteenth → 13th; numbers above ten should not be written out
• Release year of Rebel Heart in brackets : Rebel Heart (2015)
• where the singer has not performed before → where the singer had not performed before
• Rehearsals for the tour started soon after its announcement → Rehearsals for the tour commenced following its announcement
• like 300 and Grease → years of release in brackets for each film
• It featured Moschino, Prada, Miu Miu, Gucci and Swarovski costumes → It featured costumes from...
• an elevated stage with a runway → ,and an elevated stage with a runaway
• while sound and light were produced → "handled" would fit better here
• was love and romance and consisted → comma after the last "and"
• each of which were inspired by different topics: the first one was inspired by the cover art of Rebel Heart and Joan of Arc; the second had Tokyo influences and was based on rock and roll; the third section had Latin inspirations; and the fourth was party-themed. → with each inspired by different topics; inspirations varyied from the cover artwork of Rebel Heart, Joan of Arc and Tokyo to rock and roll, Latin culture and party.
• The set list had more than 20 songs from across Madonna's career, → The set list had more than 20 song picked from Madonna's career
• was made to "satisfy all fans" → you need to insert the source for this quote here; always do that for quotes in the lead
• the focus on performances → What do you mean? "Performances" is an overall term for a live show
• mixed-to-positive reviews → mixed to positive response (to avoid repeating yourself)
• but was a commercial success → FANCRUFT; change to: but attained commercial success
• This ranked her third all-time on the top-grossing → This ranked her in third place on the all-time top-grossing
• Link Billboard to its respective article on Wikipedia

• Image needs ALT
• Everything else seems on point ;)

• her twelfth studio album → her 12th studio album (number above ten should not be written out)
• Year of release for MDNA in brackets afterwards
• embarked on The MDNA Tour → embarked on the MDNA Tour (this is how you write that on Wikipedia)
• eastern Asia → East Asia
• The tour was a commercial success → The tour attained commercial success (to avoid fancruft)
• on August 29, 2015, from Miami → no need for the second comma
• continue throughout Europe and end on December 20 → continue throughout Europe, concluding on December 20
• Rebel Heart Tour was led by → The Rebel Heart Tour...
• saying, "As my fans already know → remove , with :
• and would visit cities where Madonna has not performed before → replace "has" with "had"
• Singapore was added to the itinerary for February 28, 2016, however → ... ;however

• Will review this after everything else is solved

• They started conversing with Madonna and King in January 2015, and started brainstorming ideas, after a 25-song set list was decided → They started conversing and brainstorming ideas with Madonna and King in January 2015, after a 25-song set list had been created.
• was reproduced with the runway resembling an arrow or a cross with the heart at end. → was reproduced with the runway resembling an arrow or a cross with a heart placed at one of its corners
• In order to facilitate Madonna and her dancers to appear anytime onstage, there were openings throughout the length of the stage → In order to facilitate the entrance of Madonna and her dancers onstage, openings throughout the lenght of a stage were set up
• At the end of the main stage there were three large video screens → At the end of the main stage, three large video screens were placed
• Stufish, who had previously developed → Unlink "Stufish"
• structures for The MDNA Tour → structures for the MDNA Tour
• were enlisted for the stage on Rebel Heart also → were also enlisted to work on the stage of the Rebel Heart Tour
• They developed the elaborate and the main inspiration behind the shape was a hybrid between a cross, an arrow and a heart. → This sentence needs heavy rework
• All the barriers were → remove "the"
• was a complex machine like structure → was a complex machine-like structure
• to sway to and fro → ??
• This section is very repetitive and I'm not even going to continue for now untill everything else had been solved.

• matador related costumes → matador-related costumes
• like replacing the imagery of Jesus → such as...
• However, Madonna and her dancers did not go for trials, instead sent their measurements through e-mail and the dresses were created accordingly. → However, Madonna and her dancers did not go for trials, instead sending their measurements through e-mail for the dresses to be created accordingly
• Madonna revealed to Women's Wear Daily the name of the designers working on the costumes for the tour → Madonna revealed the name of the designers working on the costumes for the tour to Women's Wear Daily
• and the Lebanese designer Nicolas Jebran. → no need for "the"
• In total, Madonna portrayed eight different looks → During the tour, Madonna changed a total of eight different looks
• with 10 costume changes → write 10 out
• Michele had just finished two fashion collections, including Prada's "Iconoclast" exhibition in London → Michele had just finished two fashion collections, including Prada's "Iconoclast" exhibition in London at that time
• and the show's structure was finished → and the show's structure were finished
• and the costume creation began → which set off the creation of the costumes
• she was rehearsing at Manhattan → she was rehearsing in Manhattan
• Taking her review comments Michele → comma before "Michele"
• appeared during this section only → appeared solely during this section
• crafted the matador inspired → crafted the matador-inspired
• paneling and coupled it with → paneling, coupling it with
• worked with Scott for party inspired → worked with Scott for party-inspired
• Two weeks prior to opening night the designing → Two weeks prior to the opening night, the designing
• Phillips explained that until the choreography is 100% certain, Madonna does not confirm the fashion or the designs, instead employed back-and-forth conversations regarding them → You need to heavily rework this sentence, as it's pretty unencyclopedic

• Image description > as the backdrops behind her show the fan artwork → as the backdrops behind her show fan artwork
• and The MDNA Tour → and the MDNA Tour
• displayed as a live digital gallery, during the performance of "Rebel Heart" → remove comma
• themes of confinement, love, sex, violence among others → themes including confinement, love, sex and violence
• while that changed in the backdrop for → with that changing in the backdrop for
• Similarly for "Devil Pray" showed → Similarly, the visual for "Devil Pray" showed
• intake and snakes, churches and crosses → intake, snakes, churches and crosses
• In order to create all the visuals → remove "the"

• used for content playback and operated by PRG → used for content playback and was operated by PRG
• and five cameras were manned for this show → with five cameras manned for this show
• PRG used their newly → PRG used their then-newly
• were attached as truss → were attached as a truss
• they could be operated from backstage, who could simply use the cameras → who is "who" here? Are you talking about a person??
• Since Madonna wanted to have an authentic feel → is "authentic" in a quote by hers? It sounds unencyclopedic here
• whereby like the lighting and the choreography, the sound feed also changed depending on where the singer was onstage. → wherby the sound feed also changed depending on where the singer was onstage, in a similar way to the lighting and choreography
• All the musicians accompanying Madonna wore in-ear monitor → All the musicians accompanying Madonna wore in-ear monitors
• director/keyboardist Kevin Antunes → director and keyboardist Kevin Antunes

• Madonna in a glamorous dress → "glamorous" is very unencyclopedic here; find another adjective
• Ten dancers dressed as medieval executioners → Subsequently, ten dancers dressed as medieval executioners
• while moving on the center stage → while moving on to the center stage
• as footage from the "Ghosttown" video → as footage from the music video of "Ghosttown"
• performing it energetically around the stage → "energetically" is subjective and unencyclopedic in this context. Is it a quote from a journalist?
• A gypsy medley of her old songs, including → replace "old" with "past"
• and "Lucky Star" was performed → comma before "was"
• seven of the dancers climbed twenty foot poles → seven of the dancers climbed 20 foot poles
• A slowed down version of "Material Girl" → A slowed-down version of "Material Girl"
• For "Unapologetic Bitch", Madonna invited someone from the audience → For "Unapologetic Bitch", Madonna invited an individual from the audience
• This section is quite well-written for the fact that it is so long ;)

• Rebel Heart Tour will be Madonna's third and → we have (nearly) 2018 now, so use past tense here
• Prices were almost same as → Prices were almost identical to
• top price in $300–$350 range → Add a "the" before "$300–$350 range"
• The average ticket for Rebel Heart Tour → add "the" before "Rebel Heart Tour"
• than her closest competitor → it is no way encyclopedic to call Swift a "closest competitor". Find another formulation
• that of Taylor Swift with The 1989 World Tour → that of Taylor Swift with the 1989 World Tour
• the most expensive date with average price of $949.21 → the most expensive date with an average price of $949.21
• market prices were much higher than The MDNA Tour → market places were much higher that those of the MDNA Tour
• and the extra expensive ones being left for sale. → and the expensive ones left for sale
• Madonna's fan club members had first access to the Australian tickets, then a Citibank presale for card holders, followed by the Telstra presale till July 2, another presale for Live Nation members, and finally general public tickets on sale from July 6 → You need to rework this sentence completely. "Till" is an abbreviation of "Until"
• tickets sold out within 10 minutes of being available → ... minutes of availability
• This resulted in a second date being added there → remove "there" here, as you're repeating yourself

• A news report in the New York Post claimed that the tour was failing to sell like The MDNA Tour → A news report in the New York Post claimed that the tour's sales would be inferior to those of the MDNA Tour
• with venues like those in New York → with venues including New York
• Fogel dismissed the claims saying that "A tour → ..."a tour
• From what publication is Fogel and why is the same ref used for both the report and Fogel's opinion??
• were considered a highlight with total gross of $3.4 million → add "a" before "total"
• Highest gross came from the New York shows raking in → The highest gross came from shows in New York, which garnered
• Second set of boxscores → Add "The" before "Second"
• and it grossed another → with it grossing another
• The first leg of the tour had attendance → "an" before attendance
• 300,000 earning a total of about $46 million → 300,000, earning an estimated total of...
• for just one performance → for one sole performance
• Stockholm's Tele 2 Arena drew a total of 40,557 audience → ...reached a total of 40,557 in audience
• Billboard also clarified the actual tickets sold in Sweden to be 39,338 → "at" before "39,338"
• with total 819,792 tickets sold and gross → add "a" before "total" and "gross"
• announced the total gross as $169.8 million with total of 1,045,479 tickets sold → ...gross at $169.8... with a total of...
• Madonna ranks third on all-time top-grossing → Madonna is ranked in third place on the all-time top-grossing

• rather the fact that → but the fact that
• Similar thoughts were echoed by → This thought was echoed by
• gave a 5-star review → gave a five-star review
• complimenting the performance of the old → complimenting the performances...
• from Rob Sheffield from Rolling Stone → replace the second "from" with "of" to avoid repeating yourself
• during the show saying, "She hasn't → replace , with :
• Joe Lynch rated the concert 4 stars out of 5 → Joe Lynch rated the concert four out of five stars
• But on Rebel Heart Tour, the singer chose to share her prerogatives instead → this formulation — beginning with "but" :( — is very unencyclopedic.
• Ashley Lee from The Hollywood Reporter gave the same feedback → ...gave similar feedback
• saying that the singer, "[showcased] her → no comma
• was reminiscent of dark intones in The MDNA Tour → was reminiscent of dark intones of the MDNA Tour
• In the New York magazine review → In her New York...
• of Rebel Heart songs → of Rebel Heart material

• as a "Madonna-show in miniature" but noted → as a "Madonna-show in miniature", noting
• and declared it as better than The MDNA Tour → and saw it inferior to the MDNA Tour
• and the show became conversational → ,as well as the show's conversionality
• and singing → and the associated performance of
• reviewed the show at Antwerp. He criticized → ...Antwerp, criticizing
• was complimentary about → but praising
• the Amsterdam show 4 stars out of 5 → the Amsterdam show four out of five stars
• noting that the show gradually became more streamlined → replace "the show" with "it" to avoid repeating yourself
• dance moves unlike The MDNA Tour → ...the MDNA Tour
• and gave it a 5 on 5 star → and gave it a five out of five star
• Another 5 star rating → A similar rating
• her falling down at the Brit Awards earlier the year → ...earlier in 2015
• Peter Robinson from The Guardian rated it 4 on 5 stars → ...rated it four out of five stars
• Unlink "The Guardian" as already linked prior
• Empire from the same newspaper also rated it 5 on 5 stars → ... newspaper rated it five out of five stars
• commending the performances during "Illuminati" → the "performance" is an overall term for the live show. What do you mean exactly?
• the impromptu performance of "Like a Prayer" → ??

• commented that "Showing → commented that "showing
• Everything else seems on point ;)

• The Rebel Heart tour included controversies like late start of the show, unlawful use of the country's flags as well as ticket goof-ups → Controversies around the Rebel Heart Tour revolved around late show starts, unlawful uses of a country's flag and errors concerning tickets.
• of the Taiwanese political party, the → of Taiwanese political party the
• At Philippines, Madonna → In the Philippines, the singer
• However, the use of the Philippines flag as a "costume or uniform" was banned in 1998 by federal law. Madonna faced threats by the government of Philippines for "disrespecting" the flag, and a possible ban from the country → As the use of the country's flag as a "costume or uniform" was banned in 1998 by federal law, Madonna was faced threats by the government of the Philippines for "disrespecting" the flag, as well as a possible ban from the region.
• overturned their opinion because → overturned their opinion later, as
• at New Zealand → in New Zealand
• many of the public → many individuals
• website, as a result they had → replace the comma with a semicolon (;)
• refund → refind
• the singer exposed the breast → I think that happened accidentally, so please say: "the singer accidentally exposed the breast"
• had jokingly responded "Oh sorry, sexual harassment" → had jocking reacted: "Oh sorry, sexual harassment"
• harassment", however it caused → replace comma with a semicolon (;)

• would be filmed for release as her tour DVD → would be filmed for the release of her tour DVD
• will be directing the concert film → This was already released, right? Why do you use the present tone then??
• finished watched → finished watching
• the concert film would premier → the concert film would premiere
• Titled as Madonna: Rebel Heart Tour → you don't need the "as"
• from the Australian performances of the tour → from the performances on the tour in Australia
• Billboard showcased an exclusive → "unveiled" is the right verb here
• The international rights for the film was acquired → replace "was" with "were" as it's plural
• It contained bonus content like the Tears of a Clown show, as well as a 22-song live double CD → It contained bonus content, including footage from Tears of a Clown, and a 22-song live double CD.

• This setlist was obtained from → Setlist for
• Everything else seems on point ;)

• Everything seems on point ;)

• Adapted from the Rebel Heart Tour Book → Personnel adapted from the Rebel Heart Tour Book
• Do you mean "liner notes" with "Book"?

• 73.6% is too much! Four refs are over-used!

• Images seems stable

• As far as I checked them, the references do cover the assertations made in this article
• No dead links! Good job!

@IndianBio: Hi there! Although the article is long as duck, I decided to take it on review because you've already waited for so long (May 2017!).   Reviewing it, I found several sentence issues, which however could be solved. I would love to see this promoted; you're nearly done with the good topic surrounding Rebel Heart. Please answer to and implement my comments, and ping me afterwards to take another look at the article. Best; Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:12, 20 December 2017 (UTC)Reply

Thank you for taking this up. I will have pretty non-existent network as I travel to France. So maybe after Christmas I can address the review. Thanks again CNF. —IB ^{[ Poke ]} 13:17, 24 December 2017 (UTC)Reply

@IndianBio and Cartoon network freak: Hi Everyone! What is the status of this review? It looks like no progress has been done in the past month. I understand that CNF was (or still is) in France, however, Christmas was nearly a month ago.--Dom497 (talk) 03:13, 21 January 2018 (UTC)Reply

@Dom497: I am still waiting for IndianBio's response, ... Cartoon network freak (talk) 05:34, 21 January 2018 (UTC)Reply

IndianBio hasn't been active since Christmas Eve. That's a month ago. dannymusiceditor ^{Speak up!} 20:08, 25 January 2018 (UTC)Reply

• I would recommend failing this due to inactivity. Aoba47 (talk) 02:57, 27 January 2018 (UTC)Reply

• @Aoba47:; @DannyMusicEditor:; @Dom497: I have really waited much time with this and I'm really disappointed because it took me very long to complete the review, but IndianBio does not seem to be available at the moment. I'm going to fail this for now, but the user can implement my changes and renominate sometime in the future... Cartoon network freak (talk) 19:20, 31 January 2018 (UTC)Reply

• @Aoba47:; @DannyMusicEditor:; @Dom497: hello to everyone. I'm aware IndianBio is the main redactor of this article and has been quite inactive for some time. I wonder if it's posible perhaps if I fix this changes and nominate the article again; will that be enough to pass it? I look forward to your answers. Thank you --Chrishm21 (talk) 11:14, 3 February 2018 (UTC)Reply