Demolition
Demolition was a successful WWF wrestling tag-team duo in the 1980's to early 1990's. The team was made up by wrestlers Axed and Smashed, a couple of constant steroid abusers who joined forces as a tag-team instead of being singles men who would be forced to take dives to Hulk Hogan. They got their names from their hey-days as part time roadies, and full time stoner friends of Cheech & Chong. They later would introduce a 3rd member by the name of Gonad Crusher after Smashed was living up to his name prominently and unable to preform some nights. The team was famous for wearing out-fits lifted from the Mad Max: Beyond Thunder Dome movie, as well dawning black Jason Voorhees masks along with Kiss style make-up painted on their faces. They are still today regarded as one of the best tag-teams of all time and their reign as tag-champions is still unbroken today thanks to Hulk Hogan never successfully tagging up with anyone.
Setting The Explosives[edit]
Axed and Smashed met when they where 19 when hired as two roadies for the comedy duo of Cheech & Chong. They soon became reefer addicts and earned the nick names Axed and Smashed by Tommy Chong himself! When they met, they had given names they where born with, but the two where soon known so much as Axed and Smashed that to this day they can not remember their real birth names duo to depleted brain cells. Studies have been tested on the two, and half the demo-graph of the reports indicate it is a cause of memory loss from the ill effects of excessive use of marijuana, the other half believe it is due to being professional wrestlers they have been dropped on their craniums too many times, and the 3rd half believe they remember and just won't admit that they had Nancy-boy names.
The two would roadie and smoke it up with Cheech & Chong until 1985 when Cheech wanted to split up the act and go solo to be a more serious performer on Broadway, and Tommy wanted to be a hamster. This left Axed & Smashed now out of work and stranded in New York City with no money to buy dope. They found themselves desperate for drug money that they offered to blow passers by for either a joint or 10 bucks. They had hit an all time low, but sometimes if you just keep on blowing, your low blows pay-off. It was in the midst of winter of 1980 that Fat Fatterson just happened to be looking for a few good men to suck his sack dry, and it was like he was sent from above to assist Axed in Smashed in their time of need.
Fatterson was known for giving large tips to people who satisfied his needs, He offered Axed & Smashed to come work with him at the WWF training facility where he could set them up with employment within the WWF, a few lines of coke and a warm ass to slip into that night. Axed and Smashed took to the offer and where soon taken under the wing, and also from behind, by Fat Fatterson. Soon the duo's addiction had switched from dope use to cocaine and steroids and before too long, their bodies had tripled in size in muscle tissue duo to all the personal work outs together with Fatterson. The two started to resemble actual wrestlers of the 80's and Fat had a wild idea to start training these two in the ring.
The two where then trained by the Fatterson brothers and where shaping up to be promising young wrestling performers.
What a Rus...Demolition Is Born[edit]
The team was ready to make their debut for the WWF in June of '85 but they needed to first come up with a gimmick for themselves. The creative team of the WWF could not come up with any ideas until one night at the Motel 6, where the WWF employees where staying at, the fire alarm began ringing around 11:30pm and everyone on the premises had to evacuate the motel. Axed and Smashed where in the middle of a BDSM play-session with Fatterson and had no chance to change out of their leather clad straps and underwear they where wearing or remove the leather masks they where wearing. Now standing outside with all the other evacuated patrons, their BDSM costumes came to the attention of the also present owner of the WWF, Vince McMahon who loved the outfits so much that he said that is the gimmick you two poofters need in the ring.
The night of their debut McMahon also said they should probably cover up their ugly faces with some paint, or better yet put on masks. The duo not being all that bright did both. They painted on face paint like their idols Kiss, but where too stoned and stupid to make it resemble any Kiss makeups, let alone even get the colors right. They then put on a couple of Jason Voorhee's style masks that just happened to be sitting around the props department, painted them black to match their outfits, and got high off the paint can fumes. The duo was now high as a kite and ready to be unleashed upon the World Wrasslin Federation.
The duo made their debut during a televised battle-royal as heels, they eliminated Princess Diana and Princess Leia showing off their tag team finishing move the Demolition Decapitation where they ripped off their opponents heads with an axe before smashing it with the blunt side. They then flushed the heads down a toilet which they where disqualified for, then protested the referees desicion that a royal flush beats two of a kind.
They then would start heated feuds against other tag-teams such as the Killer Bees, Hercules & Barbarian & One Man Gang Bang which they issued re-matches to quite often, win or lose. They soon found themselves at the 1988 SummerGangBang against the Powers of Pain for the tag-team titles. Demolition would prevail, winning their first tag-team championship. They would keep the titles for a record 13 consecutive months by taking a tactic out of Hulk Hogans strategy book and only defend the titles once a year. They lost the titles the following year at SummerGangBang Series '89 to the Bra Busters. Demolition would then set out for revenge, and got their chance a short time later to regain the titles for a second time, only to lose the titles the very next night after Fat Fatterson got a boner midway through watching the match and presented his little friend to Smashed who then blew the title during the distraction.
The following month they took on the Colossal Assholes to regain their 3rd and final tag-team championship.
Smashed In The 90's[edit]
By Wrestlefakia 1990, Smashed was showing signs of the ill effects of the drugs he was taking and the amount of Fat Fatterson's sperm intake he was inducing. Smashed was barely able to walk, let alone even stand up during most matches. Axe was in need of a tag-team partner for their show that night, so a substitute named Gonad Crusher was brought in as his replacement. Gonad Crush and Axe functioned well as a tag-team, and soon Smashed was sent to rehab right after his asshole was sewn back up from the poundings Fatterson was giving him.
Smashed would return 3 months later at the MacGyver series of 91. The tag team was facing the Fart Foundation for the belts. During the match Axed & Smashed where joined later by Gonad Crush who snuck down to the ring while the referee wasn't looking and switched with Axed who then hid underneath the ring. This tactic was a brilliant move by the now 3 members of Demolition, giving them a 3 on 2 advantage. The smart tactic was soon interrupted when the British Ballsniffing Dog ran to ringside to aid the Fart Foundation resulting in a disqualification.
The tag team trio continued to compete to moderate success over the next few months until Smashed's asshole relapsed and gave way, and he was forced to retire from professional wrestling forever. Gonad Crusher and Axed tried to keep Demolition alive but soon went their separate ways in solo careers. Gonad Crusher simply became Crush, and Axed released a solo album called "Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places" that he dedicated to his ex tag-team partner. Axed was also let go from the WWF after his career was repossessed by not being able to get over with the fans as a singles competitor.
Where are they now?[edit]
Well Smashed and Crush are dead, and Axed hasn't been heard from since he was axed from the WWF. Rumors claim he is working in San Francisco under the stage name of Axehole Rose in a blue-light tribute to Bum fucks and Roses, while others say he is still employed by Fat Fatterson as his personal cabana boy.