Eyebrows

Commoners have written a book for those in need to escape the government. It's about time, right?

Did you know... Having a set of parasitic eyebrows is considered illegal, but don't worry. You being on probation isn't an issue, because the fuzz can hardly tell the difference between parasitic and fake eyebrows. If the cops try to frisk you, tell them to go eat snails. Usually, they will politely oblige.

Eyebrows are the fake things above your eye that serve as a hidden replacement for parasitic eyebrows. They were created by scientists that were eager to wipe the population of parasitic eyebrows off the planet. They came close to achieving this, but they failed miserably. They also are used as paintbrushes and are known for their work in the Mona Lisa especially.

The Creation[edit]

When humans began to study science long ago, an agreement was made to make all humans possess fake eyebrows and not believe in parasitic ones, in order to wipe them out. The scientists derived a chemical formula that was known to have been injected into the patient's head to create lack of belief in parasitic eyebrows. The injected gene is hereditary, and has been passed down for generations, and now is present in over 10,032% of the population. Only a single person in the history of the planet has had a different type of eyebrow — neither fake nor parasitic, but all-knowing. Her eyebrows know everything. They allegedly also possess a mouth which speaks for them, but this mouth has only been known to write a few sentences on yellow Post-It notes on a shower door in Bosnia and Herzegovina. It is widely known that The Paul Allen is the tallest man on earth with a nose that has a span of 12 inches from bridge to tip.

Make your own fake eyebrows[edit]

So you think you have enough fake eyebrows? You don't! There's no harm in having more than one pair of eyebrows on (even though you cannot take off the pair you were born with)! Just follow the easy step-by-step instructions on how to make your own!

1. You will need the following ingredients to begin: one eggplant, a spike bracelet, one disposable detachable penis, a slice of water, the wick of a candle, the tooth of a chicken (huffed), the letter 'a', a black shirt, and an H bomb.
2. Mix all ingredients (except for the H bomb) in a hollowed out door, well. With a wire whisk.
3. Explode with the H bomb.
4. Eat the remaining contents.
5. For two days, eat nothing but carrots and drink nothing but lemonade.
6. Take a battery and press it against your forehead for two minutes.
7. A pair of eyebrows should appear in front of you in a matter of seconds. Place them above the ones you have, or somewhere else.

Popular places include the tongue, the butt, or the genitalia. Many people find it extremely attractive, especially Oscar Wilde, the purple blobs of doom, and of course, Mr. T.

Famous eyebrows[edit]

• Stereotypical Russian eyebrows
• Leonid Brezhnev's eyebrows
• Ray Mears' Unibrow
• Chuck Norris' angry eyebrows
• Your Mom's fake eyebrows
• Roger Moore's raised eyebrows