Karen's Reviews > You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

Spot on.

I have suffered greatly from depression and anxiety, and with the help of an amazing therapist and a will to improve, I overcame it. It really is as simple as making a commitment to get better. I changed my lifestyle, made room for myself, ate healthy, get exercise, stay mentally stimulated. You are your the only person limiting you, and yes you can go for what you really want. People do more with less.

Amelia, I thought her response to depression was basically telling you to snap out of it. It does take a lot more, and yes, a desire to make changes to improve your situation and I do think you are the only one who can help yourself when you are struggling with anxiety or depression - but typically that includes making an effort to find a good therapist and a desire to make changes to help yourself. The author seemed to take an approach where you just decide that you aren't going to be depressed and you won't. It is way more complicated although it does start with making that decision.

I know from many years of experience and assisting others with addiction, depression that one can only get better once they get out and circulate, meet and talk to people. Nothing happens until that takes place.

I have suffered from major depression and anxiety for 24 years. I found it insulting for someone to say that I can just make the decision to "get over it." I didn't make the decision to go become depressed or anxious, this angered me.
It could also be dangerous and a breaking point to anyone looking for self help that can't achieve what they are looking for by simply deciding not to be mentally ill anymore.
This can't be done anymore than a person with diabetes, cancer or any other disease can just decide not to be sick anymore.
The author is not only laying more guilt on the readers mind for being depressed and anxious, but now she has added to it if the reader is unable to "decide not to be depressed anymore;" because you are the only person limiting you.

Think about that from the point of a truly struggling, at the end of their rope depressed and anxious person looking for help.
Compassion goes a very long way.

Well, I have suffered depression, I may not have 4-5 kids and be a single mom, but my depression has leaded me to some serious physical issues which then leaded to surgery which was one of the most terrifying things that have ever happened to me... and you know what? I can totally relate to Jen and say that depression is something sooner or later you have to face it yourself. And deciding that you won't be depressed anymore is something you can totally begin with. It may not work for everyone, but it's still worth to try. And regarding depression it was more about the mindset, which is definitely a first step one has to take in order to get out of this dark hole. You simply have to change your mindset, and sometimes forcing yourself to believe that things are actually easy and all the bad that's in your mind and is happening to you isn't actually true - can help tons for one to kick off the ground! Sometimes, in order to change your life for the better we have to go into extreme, quit our 9-5 jobs etc. But first you just gotta believe in the success, in the universe. And THAT'S what this book is about :)

As someone who suffers from major depression and BPD I agree with Vaida and Amelia, although I never would have in my younger years and would have been offended by the book like so many people seem to be.

This book has everything wonderful from every helpful self-help book I've ever read but is to the point with no fluff or bullshit.

The author actually acknowledges the seriousness of mental illness more than once and recommends seeking additional help through therapy if you need it. People like me unfortunately have to work a hell of a lot harder to get there, but happiness and success are possible.

You have to create that vision for yourself and believe in it, you have to believe in your success. Try doing the things she suggests, it's all about action. As silly as they seem, things like daily affirmations, gratitude lists, notes on your mirror, writing down your excuses and analyzing them to the core false belief and replacing them with the truth, etc. really do work. You have to be aware of your negative thoughts/behaviors first in order to recognize when you are thinking/doing them in the moment - only then are you able to go on to change any of these.

I do agree that she had some great suggestions for stopping negative thoughts.

And I do think that you are the only one responsible for your happiness. And if you want to make changes you need to take action instead of sitting back waiting for it to happen.
My opinion is that she was flippant about the struggle of being mentally ill. It isn't as simple as a state of mind. It takes a lot of work to overcome those kinds of problems. I might not have hated it so much if she hadn't even brought it up.

Lol at the 'I've been suffering from depression for the last umpteenth years & still am. Blah, blah, blah' Just, lol there's a reason you happen to be a sufferer & not an expert OR an author...

You are right, its difficult for a mom of 4 or 5 kids, and to just try to change what you are thinking by yourself. Have you ever seen the book" A new slant on life" by L.Ron Hubbard?

Karen, I see what you're saying. I haven't read the book, but I got the daily desk calendar full of quotes from this book for Christmas this year. Today's message is:

"We pretty much don't ever do anything that we don't benefit from in some way, be it in a healthy way or an unhealthy way. If you're perpetuating something dismal in your life because of some dopey story, there's definitely something about it that you're just getting off on."

I was thinking about my anxiety and occasional depression. Am I anxious/depressed because I've told myself a story? Is it that I want to be a victim? I don't think people with anxiety/depression are treated like victims...if anything, we're more likely to be bullied by family members into "deciding" to be happy. And the phrase "getting off on"--is she suggesting that being anxious makes a person feel pleased with themselves??

So far, I've liked the little 2-3 sentences on the calendar each day, but today threw me for a loop.

Melanie- I think that is the thing- you have to pick through and see what works for you. I am not normally a self-help reader. I guess I agree with the overall message that you do have to take control and change what needs to change in order to accomplish your goals. Maybe some people who suffer from anxiety/ depression are attention seekers, but I don’t find that to be the case in general. Her perspective seems like it is just an excuse rather than a real medical issue.
I am glad you are liking most of the daily messages. I hope that is the only bad one.

Karen I agree with your review. In mine, and here in response to some of the other commenters, I say 'imagine the uproar if the author had given the exact same advice to those suffering from cancer instead of depression.' It is one thing when ignorant laypersons pretend mental illness is not illness (and that is bad enough). But someone pretending to be an expert should know MUCH, much better.

Yeah. I'm depressed and I can just decide not to be. I guess all the stupid people who end up hurting or killing themselves just didn't think of that. Thanks, Jen. You've really just invented the greatest cure against a serious mental illness!

I agree! I think this is very dangerous!

I think that if the author had gone in the direction of addressing specifically those who have depression or mental illness, it would have detracted from the overall concept. I’m sure there’s lots of self help books out there that address those specific struggles.

Yeah this book is really annoying so far, I just started reading the first couple chapters and the author comes off as conceited and full of herself.

I agree with you Karen, I also didn't like a particular thought presented in the book that if you are depressed, you live in the past; if you are anxious, you live in the future; if you are at peace, you live in the present. What if I'm depressed in the state of my current romantic relationship and feel powerless to effect change. Or if I have social anxiety? What if I don't feel at peace in the present because my child is going through a phase I do not understand and feel helpless in guiding him?

“Buy the Audi instead of the Honda” the lessons and anecdotes here are garbage. Wish I read your summary before wasting an evening on this!

I agree. It's like she thinks people with depression choose to have it. She hasnt seemed to consider that people with depression don't want to be depressed.

I stopped reading when I got to the depression part. As someone who has a history of depression and anxiety, I can’t just turn it off! I’m glad I’m not the only one who hated that part of the book!

agree with u karen !

Great review, Karen! Obviously she never struggled with depression as she writes let it go and suggest to dress the way they dress. The worse self help book I ever read!

Alexis... Forgive me. Your comments. I've seen more clarity and consistency in a schizophrenic's diary.

I came to the comments hoping someone else was as bothered by the way she speaks about depression as I was. As someone who suffers, truly, not in a cartoon character wear your robe and listen to sad music, but chemical imbalance suffers from depression her descriptions and solutions make my skin crawl. I could barely get through the rest of it for how naive and honestly careless I found it.

(So thank you for also pointing it out)

I haven't read the book, however I just wanted to say to the people saying you can not just snap out of depression, yes that is right, however as a person who had depression you can decide to start getting help, going to a psychologist and start trying to live your life little by little, and believe me, you can. So it is your decision at the end.

You are right Vanessa. I truly believe that I am the only one who can control my happiness. And maybe that was the author’s intent, but she was really flippant about dealing with it. Like someone telling you to cheer up.

It’s the fat-phobia for me.

I felt like she was Cher in Moonstruck saying “Snap put of it”...not simple for people battling depression or for anyone in general.

I'm really late to the party here, but for everyone arguing whether it is or isn't possible to snap out of depression, there are two kinds of depression. Psychiatric and organic. Psychiatric is the one you can snap out of. Organic is caused by actual illnesses/disorders in your body and cannot be overcome by just deciding that you will stop being depressed. It could be something as simple as hormonal imbalance or some structural abnormality in the brain. Unfortunately, a lot of us tend to generalize depression into the psychiatric category.

Even though they e

Thank you for the heads up, for a person suffering depression. I don't need this kind of book.

I love Kish's (three comments up) explanation. "There are two kinds of depression. Psychiatric and Organic. Psychiatric is the one you can snap out of. Organic is caused by actual illnesses/disorders in your body and cannot be overcome by just deciding that you will stop being depressed."
You can't lump the two together. That's why two people, who both have had depression, can feel differently about whether you can snap out of it or not.
Long story short whether it's in someone's head or not, or in their grasp to get over it or not, it's not up to us to decide for someone else. Not that anyone has been.
I believe it's important to surround someone who struggles, no matter what. And it's important to tell them that they can keep trying; that they are capable of finding happiness again and how can I help?

I'm glad I saw this thread, because I don't need someone telling me to get over depression/anxiety and that I'm causing my own issues. Whether it's true or not, I need validation that my struggles are real and support with finding the solutions that work best for me as an individual. Being told otherwise I'm like, "you don't know me. You don't know what chemical imbalances or not are going on in my brain. You don't know what I've been through and how I've had to cope."
Not that an author can prepare for everyone's individual experiences. But it's important not to invalidate something as serious as mental illness. If someone feels they found something that works for them, like choosing not to be depressed, then it's important not to invalidate that as well. But that person should only suggest that it could be a solution to someone else's problem, and trust that person on whether it does work for them or not.
We just don't know what someone is going through and all that they've been through and done. And we don't know what's going on physically/chemically in their body/brain.

Hi, an actual individual who had depression and sometimes struggles with depressive episodes. yes, you actually can choose to get better, obviously you can’t “snap out” of it, but you can choose to ask for help, to work on yourself, you get to decide and say “this is enough”. When I finally decided to ask for help I was on my bed, disassociating, after years of just sitting there and being miserable and suddenly told myself, wait a f- minute, this is wrong, and my long, long road was about to begin. So yeah, don’t get angry because a book about personal development and self help did not changed your life the moment you finished reading it, you need to put on the work I mean that’s why is called “personal development” and “SELF help”.

@peach YES THANK YOU… it’s about getting yourself out of the victim mentality, which is what the majority of people are doing in these comments. As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression; it is up to you to better yourself. Medication works to an extent but it didn’t help me near enough as getting myself out of my bad habits, when it comes down to most things it’s about attitude, perseverance, and your thoughts.

You can actually get yourself out of a depression if you’re really willing to help yourself. But a lot of people love being depressed because that’s how they get sympathy.

@Pollopicu I fully believe that we are all responsible for our own happiness. And I did think she made good points on stopping negative thoughts. However, to me, she made recovery from depression sound simple. It takes a lot of work. And sometimes it comes back. Some people struggle more than others and no experiences are the same. Personally, I felt she was flippant. Maybe if she had suggested counseling or other ways to help yourself it wouldn’t have bothered me so much.

I also hated her “advice” for depressed people. I don’t think she understands that depression is a mental illness and not something that people just choose to have.

I agree with your review. People spend years in therapy for issues that can’t be “willed” away because they start thinking like a bad ass. I will also admit, I try to like self help books, but most of the time as I read them I’m thinking it’s a money grab, and in this case, we just paid for her new kitchen.

Karen,
The Topic that although everyone here commenting is correct-Depression is an Illness. Taking Action can help-IF the action cures the Cause of your Depression.
Also-many things can cause Depression & depending on finding what works-(obviously for the majority-tgru facts & not then applying it correctly for your illness-
There ALSO are many other Illnesses that have very similar symptoms & such as Grief. Grief is a legitimate illness in itself-that has very similar symptoms & can be intertwined with depression. DEPRESSION * if it is NOT caused by Depression "Medication" ( btw Plz research Peter Breggins info on his website that exposes the Pharmas Chemical imbalance marketing scheme-as far as their Drugs-that have the worst side effects that induce the very prescribing of more MG. & addition of other meds to help boost-increasing side effects-plz read pharma sheets & the Web page of manuf. & Y.T docum.on the now exposed evil of these horrific $$ making drugs-for an illness supposedly has no cure-& that their Drugs falsely will cure a chemical imbalance tgey neither test for-nor have enough knowledge of these said chemicals for their powerful-Addictive Drugs to help eliminate depression-plz research! They ruined my & millions of others-& cause thousands of others to commit suicide or Homicide(wonder abt all these schools shootings?)
What DOES work & Fast by over 40 yrs of proof-& for little to Zero money-on long stubborn serious & Suicidal depressions-is The app of CBT or Cognitive Thinking Th. Not pollyanna(ism)!
But Correcting known basic Negative thinking errors most of mankind has-& I promise just read a sentence or a paragraph & IT will quickly snowball into Deoression Disipating-esp. If can get your therapist or a Coach otlr good friend to help w thinking we can't see.. By applying not Only these- Techniques && simple-But powerful skills none the less-- it is this knowledge-with quick results-even immediate-but more long standing as they are practiced & bcome automatic-Dr David Nurns-"Feeling Good-The New Mood Therapy"is written in an enjoyable way but also helps with building self esteem- understanding Bad Anger & other areas most of us do not get practical healthy training in. And we really can't Effort it into being-anymore than willing a million $$ into existence -just as Finance has Self Control-hard work effort -even self denial- the learning of making $$ creating wealth & then gowing it-w/out knowledge of these skills all together w/out examples & all the info one can stand-it will not just Positive think itself or Effort itself or bla bla bla itself into happening- & even then- it takes several other items like timing-a market- decent economy & marketing to R ppl & $$/ investors-technology whatever on top of the other!
Some pll that have other disorders can also Benefit from DBT 1st or in Conjunction w CBT which is for every human I feel & Dbt is similar but not as across the board effective ...(Imo)
Grief is not Depression & neither is addiction-but Depression can be increased & induced esp by addiction. Depression alone w/out outside or other disorders or Trauma-(another seperate but similar symptom causing experience) need Seperate Techniques that work-& ate proven to work-& then by app of knowledge/skills-in addition to separately treating addiction & depression- can be successful...

4 things generally cause Mental depression-1-lack of Self Esteem-Love & instead complete lack or instead self-hatred.
2-Anger inward-or outward-w some or mostly distortions w truths-
3. Hopelessness which I felt you have as your sit. will stay similar & is overwhelming. But by AT min. Learning Cbt & applying it -will aleviate your depression that is sucking any last bit of energy & life out of you for anything else!! Give yourself constant accolades for FIGHTING the most Difficult of Illnesses-as NoOne can tourchure you as much as you! You are in no way lazy & u didn't ask for your depression anymore than others ask for cancer!! It's the correct cure-by eliminating all other Co-illnesses & aggrevating factors-which as has been mentioned-prob. don't know how to get free help by bartering-or asking(plz read "the Aladdin Factor " & Feel the Feaf & do it anyway-after your better...In addressing the worst illness now-you will then have emotional energy & hope to find the knowledge & KEYS to address the Other Co-issues that are also enmeshed w the Depression!!
THE Dr Burns Feeling Good book-Recomm. the after 1999 copyright-cersion- has been my 2nd Bible & actually shows God's wisdom in our creation & that it shows He understands .
Lear to be your own best friend on Earth& I know your gonna do better with this info cuz it IS a fantastic Treatment for non-depressed!!
All the Best to Everyone-been doing this for over 40 yrs now-I hope that gives everyone that I know sherefore I speak...to start on their pile!!

P.s the 4th is self hatred causing self neglect or self sabatoge etc. Neglecting ourselves or even abusing the Self w self talk or or berating constantly -forgetting anything good& only highlighting the Bad-Also learning Self Love-as Real love is Not selfish-!! So I had to lear to treat myself like my own daughter-it was the only way I cld personally understand not being narcissitic or asomehow self important-...That worked for me after 10 yrs of asking what meant & how to live myself!!
There obviously are other outside chemicals or lack of health that also cause hopeless ness-pain-exhaustuon-yet they may not be able to change-at least w help & app of the R knowledge & skills & techniques we can conquer the private HELL of Depression-& give us the energy to look for & find the rest!

you can definitely force yourself out of depression..it just take work..a lot of work