Gardevoir
“I'd like to titfuck her ass”
“She's as sexy as hell”
“Marry me!”
“SSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYYYYYY”
“Must touch!!”
“We've feature her a trillion times on here”
“We did the same thing as Playboy: Nerd Edition”
We've all seen sexy bitches like Megan Fox and all those other bitches, but what about Pokemon. Yeah Pokemon, those creatures that nerds play with. Pokemon was looking for a sexy female character that could fill in the position that was going to be originally filled in by <insert supermodel's name here>.
Gardevoir felt like she wanted this job and filled in for it. She won the auditions, and when nerds had glimpsed their eyes on this lady, she became an instant hit. Now people all around the world draw pictures of her, in a swimsuit, nude, stripping, showing off her ass or doing whatever they want.
Birth and Early life (as a Ralts)[edit | edit source]
Gardevoir was born in an unknown location to unknown parents. She had a rather secretive past. Her parents had ditched her, because her dad cheated on her mum, who now wanted revenge.
She wanted Gardevoir, who at the time was known as a Ralts, to become a terrorist. So she threw her in Pearl Harbour, with a few sticks of dynamite attached to her back. Little did her dumbass mum know, that her daughter had psychic powers.
She quickly detached the dynamite from herself, and threw it into the water. She didn't want to live with anyone, she didn't need to, she could do any fucking thing she wanted to.
To avoid letting people see her, she did one of two things, she teleported away into a tree or she used her green hair as camouflage in the grass. She did this until she mysteriously glowed...
Years As A Kirlia[edit | edit source]
She kept on glowing as mentioned before until it stopped. She felt a little bigger than normal. When she looked at her reflection in a nearby pond, she found out she looked completely different. She was now what was called a Kirlia.
She was tired of living a secret life, so she decided to audition for something she was good at. She knew she wasn't sexy enough to impress men yet, so she auditioned for something simple, such as ballet. When she found out that ballet is for dumbasses and whores, she gave up on it, and bought a house. As mentioned earlier, she could generate money with her powers. She generated a house, and she lived in it.
She learned the arts of stripteasing, gymnastics and stuff that girls do to impress men, and make women feel jealous. How did she do it? She watched YouTube at her house. Kirlia seemed very interested in guys. In fact, a man named Taylor Lautner, was walking by her house, when she used her powers to hypnotize him. She dragged him into his backyard and took all his clothes off and threw them. She took many photos of his penis, which would later turn into Palkia, and his tits. She then wanted to pull a prank on him, so she brought Ke$ha to her backyard, and did the same thing.
With her psychic powers, she forced them to kiss, have sex, and give birth to the mutation now known as Justin Beiber. she kicked them out of her house, because she got tired of the stench of their asses. When the hypnosis spell deactivated all she could hear was fucking, screaming, and crying. Kirlia though this was funny, and she laughed in her backyard until she fainted.
When she recovered, she went back into her house, and went into the shower, because she laid around in the garden after fainting for hours. She felt good after the shower, until...
Her Sexy Years (as a Gardevoir)[edit | edit source]
When Kirlia looked at herself in the mirror, she found out she was sexy enough to strip in front of men. So she went to the local strip club for the first time.
She tried pole dancing, which many guys thought she'd be bad at, but the minute she started, guys couldn't stop watching. Guys tried their best at strip poker, because they wanted to see her do a nude strip, they wanted to see her vagina sooooo badly.
Soon she became the leader of the club. That's until a dumbass from GameFreak came and saw her, and decided to add her into the newly released games Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire.
He took a picture of her in a dress, and soon she made her first appearance in a game. When the game was released everywhere in the world, people everywhere couldn't resist the beauty and sexiness in her.
When people found another handsome Pokemon, Blaziken, they decided to put the two together. How sexy!!!! This started Gardevoir's love life.
Love Life[edit | edit source]
Gardevoir and Blaziken started dating, and stripping. She introduced him to the strip club, and he enjoyed it. They were usually seen together every day, and lived very happily. That was until GameFreak introduced a new Pokemon game.
This was when Gardevoir met a male Kirlia that hadn't evolved. But when he touched the shiny stone on her necklace he changed into her new boyfriend, Gallade. Blaziken felt very jealous and he'd often fight with Gallade. Since Gardevoir hated Blaziken's baby Torchics sooooo much, she decided to break up with him, and date and strip with Gallade. So Blaziken left, and Gallade and Gardevoir decided to date.
Gardevoir had many PokeDudes that tried to impress her, Wobbuffet for example. She liked all of them, but none of them could match Gallade. They decided to marry, and had their wedding hosted by Arceus. They lived a good life after that.
After Her Marriage[edit | edit source]
Gardevoir made tons of appearances on magazines such as Playboy: Nerd Edition and Pokebitch. She had competition from many Pokebitches, but none of them could beat her.
Many have tried to take pictures of her in her bedroom naked, but she uses her psychic powers to destroy their cameras. Her sex tapes are the most viewed videos on Poketube. One of them called "Lokkat meh sexeh tits", the most viewed thing on poketube.
One day, Gardevoir found out she'd have a baby.
The start of parenting[edit | edit source]
After 2 seconds of pregnancy, she gave birth to a li'l Ralts. She would grow up exactly as her mum did.
The first child was cool and all, but she wanted more. She wanted that really rare blue-haired Ralts for a baby. So she had exactly 4327 more kids. After each one, she would start getting more and more desperate.
Until a blue haired Ralts suddenly popped right out of her. Now she was special for the next 10 seconds of her life. Until Gallade dumped Gardevoir for the blue haired Ralts (who later became Gallade's wife).
Now that a super rare shiny Gardevoir existed, nobody wanted to interact with the ugly green haired one. Oh, and Gallade dumped her and all the green-haired Ralts to spend his life with his prized daughter-as-wife.
In rage, Gardevoir took her first born Ralts and strapped dynamite on her back, and threw her into Pearl Harbour, now finally a terrorist, just like her mum.
| Pokémon |
Charizard ⊙ Charmander ⊙ Gardevoir ⊙ Grue ⊙ Hyundai ⊙ Ling-Ling ⊙ Meowth ⊙ Mew ⊙ Mewtwo ⊙ Mudkip ⊙ Muk ⊙ Pichu ⊙ Pikachu ⊙ Raichu ⊙ Snorlax ⊙ Teh Cheat ⊙ Typhlosion ⊙ Towelie ⊙ Umbreon ⊙ Wobbuffet ⊙ Yoshi |
| Poképeople |
Brock ⊙ Herman Cain ⊙ Max ⊙ Pokemon Kid ⊙ Team Rocket |
| Poképlaces | |
| Pokéstuff |
Video game series ⊙ Anime series ⊙ Trading cards ⊙ 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins ⊙ Christian Symbology ⊙ Gotta Catch 'Em All |
