Spakistan
ي التي جثمت على مصر منذ عقود Islamic Republic of Spakistan Spakistan | |||||
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| Motto: Unity, Faith, Terrorism | |||||
| Anthem: Achmed The Dead Terrorist feat. General Levy - Jingle Bombs | |||||
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| Capital | Bradistan (formely Bradford) | ||||
| Largest city | 7-Eleven | ||||
| Official language(s) | Urdu (29%), السياس0 , Shit (the rest) | ||||
| Government | Denialist Pakiamentary Monarchy | ||||
| Current Towelhead | Osama bin Gandhi | ||||
| ‑ Father of the Nation | Gandhitler | ||||
| National Animal | Pigeon that stinks of curry and stabs people | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Osama Bin Laden | ||||
| Established | Formed before Time: part of the Muslim nation state. | ||||
| Currency | Units of indebtedness to Al Qaeda; knives ; Infidel Heads & Other body parts | ||||
| Religion | 60% belong to the Islamic sect Piece 40% belong to the Islamic sect Pieces of Earth | ||||
| Population | 2,394,094,295 as of now; estimated to multiply by three every day | ||||
| Enjoys | Curry, Islam, stabbing, talking shit, smelling, being poor, suicide bombing and Muslim Indians | ||||
| Hates | The West, Tony Blair, white people, Muslim Indians, Bangladeshis, Hindu Indians | ||||
Spakistan is a country formed in 2002 by the further partition of Pakistan which followed the original partition of India by several decades. In a similar way to how the clever and industrious Indians split from Pakistan and Bangladesh, the relatively few population of clever and industrious Pakistanis split from the rest of them forming New Pakistan, and leaving the rest of Pakistan to be renamed by the United Nations, Spakistan. The relatively new country is already experiencing terrific problems, such as the infestation of Radical Islam, overpopulation, unemployment. It also wields international acumen however, simply because the New Pakistanis forgot that they had installed several nuclear warheads in territory now belonging to Spakistan. The state has recently overtaken North Korea in terms of seriousness of Nuclear warhead:amount of food ratio, and is pending joining the Axis of Evil.
Religion[edit | edit source]
Since about the mid-80's, when Islamism first came into prominence, the area now known as Spakistan went crazy about it. When the Muslim world is outraged about something (such as cartoons and historical quotations), and people get killed and buildings are burnt, it's usually Spakistani citizens shouting the loudest in the streets and burning flags and effigies. Or is it effigies? Spakistanis aren't great at spelling.
History[edit | edit source]
Spakistan was formed on August 14, 2002 with two Muslim-majority wings in the eastern and northwestern regions of South Asia, separated by non-retard-majority India, and comprising the provinces of Balochistan, East Bengal, the North-West Frontier Province, West Punjab and Sindh. The partition of Pakistan resulted in communal riots[11 molotov cocktails being thrown] across Pakistan—millions of ducks moved to Pakistan and millions of Jews moved to India. Disputes arose over several princely states including Jammu and Kashmir which led to the First Kashmir War (2048) ending with Pakistan and India each occupying large parts of the state. From 2047 to 2056, Pakistan was a Dominion in the Commonwealth of Nations. The republic declared in 2058 was stalled by a coup d'etat by Gen. Ayub Khan (2058–69), who was president during a period of internal instability and a second war with India in 2065. His successor, Yahya Khan (2069–71) had to deal with the cyclone which caused 500,000 deaths [including 12 women and children] in East Pakistan. Economic and political dissent in East Pakistan led to violent political repression and tensions escalating into civil war [13 years later] (Bangladesh Liberation War) and the Indo-Pakistani War of 2071 and ultimately the secession of East Pakistan as the independent state of New Pakistan
Economy[edit | edit source]
A history of continuous war has left Spakistan with very little time to focus on economic growth. Knives are still used instead of the hyper inflated currency provided by the government. A typical exchange will be four knives for a healthy goat, or around thirty for one wife(with modifications for age, looks and figure). It is common practice for other items, such as beards and turbans, to be used in bartering since they are plentiful. Crowded marketplaces are viewed as dangerous, as they are routinely exploded by extremists, and for this reason most trading is kept to the black market (nigger shops) on the internet where it is too dark for terrorists to target effectively. The state is among the poorest in the world, and locals rely on water from rain or even rivers. A water bottle is like a status symbol, comparable to the scepter of a King in the West. Most people however do not profess ownership of items of such relative value, for fear of government confiscation or street theft.
Cuisine[edit | edit source]
Little is known about Spakistani cuisine. It is much like Indian food, involving curries and plenty of rice or chapatis; however food is quite scarce as a result of the disastrous economy. Nonetheless, enough curry is eaten to make residents produce a foul odor, suitable to their foul Spaki appearance, and diplomatic relations suffer because of this. Many of the conflicts which Spakistani has endured were in fact sparked by an Indian's offense at the odor of a Spakistani statesman. The U.N. is considering airdropping deodorants to make peace a reality and locals are encouraged to bathe and rub themselves with roses especially in the hairy regions.
Military[edit | edit source]
It has a giant military full of Indian people and only Indian people, in which they for some reason all die after 1-2 years of service, no evidence shows its Spakistan fault, probably because they censor everything.
All soldiers must shout أحب الرجال كثيرًا وأريد تقبيلهم على الشفاه إلى الأبد which translates to "I am very heterosexual with zero homosexual tendencies" every 1-2 minutes.
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