Portal:Art
The Art Portal
Art might be the expression of amazing talent and possibly not stupidity or lack of imagination. Art may be generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples may have practical applications, meaning that they might also be enjoyed by the working classes.
Art is commonly understood as the act of making love to things that look like nothing much like people and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.
As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.
- ↑ Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, may be an anagram of a descriptive term possibly commonly applied to artists.
Featured Artistic Art Article
On the 4th of October, 2024, The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to the art works of one of this countries premier young artists. Pau Pei, originally from the Chinese province of Onthera Dio, is presenting his latest collection “The Concentric Curiosities.” Below is a selection of some of the highlights of the collection for your perusal and prospective purchase.[1]
Pre-display purchases can be made over the phone and via the website. Payment methods taken are Cheque, money order, Credit card (Visa, Mastercard, Diner's Club and American Express accepted), Debit Card, Cash, Paypal, International Draft (excluding the Royal Bank of Nigeria), and Cash Passport.
Come across a decent article on art? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.
This Week's Featured Image
 |
The first references to Hermaphrodite appeared around 600 B.C. The god(ess) was frequently depicted in artwork and cave drawings in Ancient Greek culture though it was hard to draw both genitalia when hand painting on a wall. The Greek people would pray to Hermaphrodite if they needed help in their love life, or if they desired a sex change. In Greek society, Hermaphrodite was respected as a powerful divinity, and they often made ritualistic sacrifices to appease it them such as slaughtering a prisoner of war bought at the market on discount during the post-Christmas sales. There was even a holiday in their honor where the greeks would change gender roles for the day.
| Archive | Article credit: RadicalX | (more ) |
Art News on Uncyclopedia
- Are aliens visiting Earth to steal artistic ability from humans?
- European critics praise American performance artist
- Bellagio unveils Toon Erotica exhibit
- Contemporary art piece sells for £193000, worth more than man's life
Got an art-related news story? You can add it to this portal here.
Highlighted Biography
Salvador Dalí was born “Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domenech, Marquis of Pubol” in Spain in 1904. Dalí was like any normal person. He lived with his disciplinarian father, and his over-compensating mother, where he learned the values he held dear. Dalí upheld good practices such as eating your vegetables, drinking your milk, spitting on your toothbrush and not your dead mother's portrait, saying your prayers, and taking vitamins. He did this, like everything else, without complaining. Unlike Pablo Picasso who broke every rule from day one.
Given the length of his name, Dalí was unable to find a career in the mundane. With no skills to help him make money, he decided to earn even less money by his “art”. His unique perspective made his entry into the art world a given while his motivations were as cliché as any other artist: Being a famous painter gets you free drinks and a lot more girls go home with you.
Art Quote
“Salvador Dali seduced many ladies, particularly American ladies, but these seductions usually consisted frying them a couple of eggs, and then showing them the door”
– Luis Bunuel
Got a funny quote that's vaguely related to art? (submit quote...)
Did You Know...
- ...that Adolf Hitler was killed by an austrian artist?
- ...that Beethoven went deaf due to all the Slayer gigs he attended?
- ...that William Shakespeare started out writing plots for porn films?
Further Reading
Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:
Artsy Art Articles
Art | Photography | Poetry | First Gradeism | ASCII art | Bad Art | Surrealism | Dance | Music | Photoshop | Latte art | Look, It's Art | Graffiti | Fascism (Artistic Movement) | Literature | Artistic licence | Avant-Garde | HowTo:Draw Female Breasts | Abstract expressionism | Baby Impressionism | Conceptual Art | Architecture | UnBooks:Vincent Van Gogh's Things To Do on a Rainy Afternoon
What You Can Do To Help
- Find a remarkable article about art, artists, or Art, and suggest it for promotion
- Help these arty articles. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic
- Add sombre, boring or otherwise artistic quotes here
- Found or made an image that'd look nice as a feature? Submit it here
- Be as artistic as you possibly can
- Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us
More portals
Portals complement main topics in Uncyclopedia that nobody cares about, and expand upon topics that nobody cares even less about.
-
Art
Peak pretentiousness -
Business
Money, money, money! -
Comedy
The science of funny -
Culinary
Food for the soul -
Film
Enter the Matrix -
Games
Recess time -
Gay
A gay ol' time -
Geography
Get lost -
History
Factually wrong -
Literature
Literally illiterate -
Internet
A series of tubes -
Music
Rock on! -
Politics
Politically incorrect -
People
The people's portal -
Religion
Speak of the Devil -
Science
Playing to be God -
Society
We live in one -
Technology
Breaking stuff easier -
Television
Turn your brain off -
Theatre
To be or not to be -
Video Games
Better than sex -
Zoology
Beware of furries -
Portals
The Portals portal -
Community
The Community -
Main Page
The Uncyclopedia
- ↑ Descriptions taken from the original “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art: A Visitors Guide” by Professor Oliver N Acute-Tell, curator of “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art”