Uncyclopedia Transit Authority

Uncyclopedia Transit Authority
UTA #1854 – UTA Uncyclope-tan. Note the graffiti that says "Fuck Wikipedia" and "Shit" written on the bus.
Formed:	January 2005
Preceding Agency:	Dramatica Transportation Corp. (founded December 2004)
Jurisdiction:	Greater Uncyclopedia Area (excluding Village Dump)
Employees:	565 (The 65 admins are the executives, patrollers and above the drivers)

The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority is the primary public transit system operating in Uncyclopedia, Internet. The system runs buses, subways, horses and slow transit through the large city, excluding the Village Dump and the UnTunes community, which is operated by a separate entity of Dickheads with Asses during their free time.

The UTA operates more than 30,000 surface transit routes, of which 445 routes make 20 connections with a subway, horse or slow transit station, 19230 horse routes, and 132 subway routes. In 2007, the UTA carried 101.4 million passengers per day, and there were 7,392,179,613 passenger trips in total.

History[edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority, having operated since February 2005 after the inauguration of Uncyclopedia, has provided seamless transportation around the Uncyclopedian community. Initially providing simple services from the Main Page Terminal to high-density areas of the online community, it has grown due to massive trash sprawl and now operates throughout the whole area. The Unified Community of the Village Dump and UnTunes, on the other hand, has its own transit system with no links to the UTA, operating horses and buses only.^[1]

Prior to 2004 there were four transit systems operating. In 2005 the UTA was inaugurated after an agreement between the four parties:

• Dramatica Transport Corporation, which operated in Encyclopedia Dramatica from 2004 to 2005. It morphed into UTA after Encyclopedia Dramatica broke up with Uncyclopedia in March and created their own transport system under the Encyclopedia Dramatica Transit Authority brand. This was dissolved on April 2, 2011, on a 5–4 vote after the destruction of Encyclopedia Dramatica the previous day. Many former EDians left to form alternate communities but had no transit system.
• BJAODN Division of WTA, since 2005 (merged with UTA after BJAODN division of WTA was dissolved)
• Potato Wiki, since 2005 (merged with UTA to provide catering services on buses)
• Sophia MTA, since 1985 (merged with UTA to allow use of defunct subway systems and horses)

President Jonathan Huang^[2] celebrates the opening of Filipino Empire stop, moments before being bottled by protestors and this woman's husband.

Throughout the history of the Uncyclopedia Transit Authority, the system has greatly expanded. Despite many efforts though, no deals have been reached with the Unified Community of the Village Dump to create a connection. Village Dumperites state this as "UN:POV, UN:N and requires extensive oversight by an Arbitration Committee."

The system originally started off with a small two-route bus system adopted from a combination of the WTA and the Dramatica systems, and a fleet of four buses. Overtime, demand increased and routes were being added every month, which turned to weekly, and sometimes on a daily basis. President Jonathan Huang of UTA had to constantly hire more employees to the point where he was hiring administrators for the system more than he was hiring drivers.

Around mid-2005 it was decided to commence a subway system in Uncyclopedia. Much of Uncyclopedia was dug up and the system installed in no time after a mass hiring spree. After the system was installed, much of ground-level Uncyclopedia was given a facelift in what is called the "Monobook Saga". Unfortunately, as many of those hired to make the system were random IP citizens of Uncyclopedia, the system was poorly planned and many stations didn't link to any surface routes. Member denizens of Uncyclopedia have declared these "orphans" and avoid them as they have become "IP fodder" and rundown.

In 2006 a horse system called the "UnMeta" was introduced after citizens complained they couldn't make heads or tails of all the modern transportation systems available in Uncyclopedia. A complex "Point A to Point Z" system was made using funding from the Uncyclomedia Corporation in association with UnNews to provide advertising on the UnMeta buses. Despite the complaints previously, ridership on the UnMeta, from Main Page to Recent Changes, with service every 45 minutes, was slow to start. Connections were made to Help, Random Page and the city of UnNews itself to increase use. By mid-2006, these additional connections drew ridership in, easing tensions that were occuring on the subway.

One of the first buses. It was terrible.

In early 2008 a subway system was developed linking Main Page with all major areas of Uncyclopedia. Lack of funding during that year's funding drive, however, prevented the purchase of subways and buses, and ended up purchasing horses. The UTA officials, disappointed with the lack of sales and constant ☺$1,000,000 donations, made a video to the public to have them donate or risk a levy for every portion of Uncyclopedia they visit. When that didn't help, Huang shrugged off the idea and used the money on developing a new colorful for the UTA as shown at the top of the page. Recently, some stations are now equipped with interchanges to the WTA network, which is done after a planned merge with the two systems failed. On October 23 the UTA was sold to Wikia Transport Services for ☺$125,000,000,000,000, which sparked massive protests in the area.^[3]

From 2010 to 2011 the UTA was involved in a power struggle between the parties. The UTA was involved in a scandal in August 2011 when several stations had been demolished in a Forest Fire Week demolition program, including the prized articles such as Tom Cruise and Scientology, as well as the most controversial article, Malaysia. After this incident, several Uncyclopedians, in consultation with the UTA, helped restore these stations to former glory, often modifying it. Some of them are of poor quality that for the safety, they must be torn down again.

Wikia Transport Services sold off UTA into an independent body in 2013 following Uncyclopedia's independence.

Routes[edit | edit source]

Fleet[edit | edit source]

The UTA operates a massive fleet of buses, horses (not listed) and subways, along with five Airbus A380s and six Boeing 747s for international routes between Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia.

The nicknamed "bendy" buses in the UTA fleet. Required as much fuel for ten standard runs as an Airbus A320 running from New Orleans to Florida. This is the UTA "OPEC". Route 666 from New Orleans to Los Angeles via U.S. Route 666.

The very dangerous route 48 to Pakistan route. Mainly used by terrorists and corrupt officials. Many buses, such as this one, were blown up by terrorists.

The old Alexander Dennis Vertigo500

† 0621-0666 destroyed by terrorists

†† 8900-8999 crashed because of a series of accidents between September 14, 2008, and January 9, 2009

UTA's Hitachi Train. With no air conditioning or lighting, this train is so crap that the WTA never bought them. Plus, the interior can get as hot as a hibachi oven. This is the UTA "Melbourne's Hibachi".

† 01165 retired due to a hijack by Conservapedian terrorists

Divisions[edit | edit source]

The UTA Fawker-Sidededeldey T-1 train, departing from Main Page Central

Division Alpha[edit | edit source]

Area served: Administration and Pokemon

Operator: Silph Co.

Facility: 143 Naryah Road, Saffron City

Division Beta[edit | edit source]

Area served: North America (incl. United States of America, excluding Kentuckistan), South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Antarctica

Operator: Veolia Transport (no wonder why the passengers are late!)

Facility: 1984 Toxicroak Avenue, Zekrom Town

Divison Gamma[edit | edit source]

Area served: Africa, Rap Music, Kentuckistan

Operator: UNR (Uncyclopedia Railway Company) East

Facility: 69 Jalan Jemaah Islamiyah, Jakarta, Indonesia

Division Delta[edit | edit source]

Some stations in UTA's network have pawn shops, so you can trade stuff and buy tickets while waiting for the bus.

Area served: Photography, Random Articles

Operator: UNR West

Facility: 123 Phaycke Avenue, Puddingdong

Division Epsilon[edit | edit source]

Area served: Slow Transit, Users and Kentuckistan

Operator: MILF Transit

Facility: Unknown (somewhere in the island of Mindanao, Philippines)

Division Catherine Zeta-Jones[edit | edit source]

Area served: Celebrity, Category, Miscellaneous Community

Operator: Administrators of Uncyclopedia Massive Transportation Committee of Administrators (AUMTCA)

Facility: 649 Kyurem Road, Castelia City, Unova

Fares[edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority has the cheapest fares in the Greater Internet Community of Alexa. Fares increase by ☺$2,500,000 every January. The fares, as of this writing, are as follows:

Note: (W$1=☺$100,000,000,000,000,000 – we're like Iraq!)

Staff[edit | edit source]

An off-duty UTA driver stands beside a stop along Route 129 "Baghdad".

Also known as Administrators, or "!staff", the operating staff are employed by Uncyclopedia through a long voting process by the community. They are judged on their driving skills, XP points, mana and ability to clean vandalism from buses. Once the community decides on their new drivers, the bureaucrats of Wikipedia decide whether the person is able to join the UTA by instigating a litigation issue on a bus as they train. If they can pass this, the driver is allowed to enter service on Route 129 "Baghdad". If they can successfully perform service for one week on this route, they are fully admitted to the UTA, signed into union and union dues and kept away from Route 129.

Style[edit | edit source]

Mayor Jonathan Huang shows off the new UTA female uniforms at a conference in 2005.

For females, they should look like Uncyclo-tan, with brown hair, green dress and earrings. For males, they should have no beard (you can have a beard if you want, but people will bottle at your for that), and should look like Mayor Huang.

Enforcement[edit | edit source]

Main article: Robocop

The office[edit | edit source]

The UTA office building is a three-story office building, located in the middle of the city. It is made of black bricks, tin foil, and tons of SPARTA!!!! The building was built on a homeless shelter and an orphanage. Oh well ...

See also[edit | edit source]

Wikipedia doesn't have a proper article about Uncyclopedia Transit Authority. We apologize for their blatant oversight.

• Uncyclopedia

Notes[edit | edit source]

 

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This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia Transit Authority